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Take these poker related test's to see if you can justify that
9/10 rating you award urself on that profile.
Quiz #1 - Exam Questions
Quiz #2 - Are You An Addict?
Quiz #3 - Are You A Muppet?
Quiz #4 - Have U Got What It Takes To Be A Pokermanager?
Quiz # 1
- Exam Questions
I sent these questions to Ladbrokes in response to a post by a Pokermanager asking
players to submit questions for inclusion into a planned 'Exam' (lmao), as part
of the upcoming 'Pokerschool' promotion, (DVD available soon in yer junk mail).
They offered to pay $2 a question so I thought I'd scoop a few free bucks, but unfortunately
my efforts were rejected as 'inappropriate'. See how YOU fare in the test they didn't
want ya to take !
Its 5 mins into a $5 freezeout and you have Ace-2
offsuit in the big blind and 4 people have already moved All-in, do you:
- An ace is a monster and think You must
be in front so call without hesitation.
- Suspect you may be behind, but call coz
of the terrific ‘pot odds’.
- Type in “FFS I was gunna do that” in
the chat box and reluctantly fold.
- Fold, coz this is a junk hand and laugh
at the mups who called with J8 and Q10 sooted.
You called a 10x big blind raise with 8 6 sooted,and now have a flush draw on an Ace high flop, when a known ‘rock’ moves All-in,
- You have hit your flop, Its an automatic call coz you have a monster.
- Carefully weigh up the odds but call anyway, coz anuther game starts in 5 mins
if u miss.
- Carefully weigh up the odds but fold, its too early to risk your whole game
on a draw.
- Flip a coin and call if its heads, fold if its tails.
You have just chimped yet anuther big pot by hitting
ur inside str8 draw on the river and are suffering abuse from all the other players,
do you type:
- “sorry I pressed the wrong button”
- “That’s poker”
You are on a bad run of muppetings and outdraws,
and once again your top set gets taken down to a backdoor runner runner str8, do
You are one place away from the final table and have
22 in the big blind with 30k in chips, when a slightly larger stack on the button
sets you in, do you:
- announce on the forum that u will never
play ladbrokes again, but still log in bright and early next day.
- Actually close ur account and start playing
- take it on the chin, u played correctly
and was just UL.
- Start abusing the player who muffed ya
in the chat box
You are on a skiing holiday in Scandinavia, when u notice a group of young
instructors are having an impromptu game of hold ‘em in the ski-lodge, do you:
- Call, coz he might be stealing
- Call, coz “a pairs a pair” and u might
be in front
- Call, coz u like the rush.
- Fold, coz WTF do you wanna get involved
with 22 for so close to getting paid.
What's the first thing u check out on new poker site:
- Ask if u can sit-down and play
- Give ‘em a wide berth
- Watch and hopefully try learn some new moves
- Tell 'em they shud stick to the slopes and find a new hobby.
You have been playing a 5000 player freeroll for over 5 hours, and have
managed to make the FT as 2nd chip leader, when once again u decide to move in UTG
with Q5 sooted but lose it all this time. Do you:
- The freerolls and freebies
- The guaranteed prize tourneys
- The rakeback structure
- The volumes of scandi fishmuppets sat at the tables.
Santa has brought u a brand new poker table for xmas. Do you?
- Consider urself unlucky to run into bullets
- Realise any 2 sooted aint the monster hand u thought it was
- U made the right move, it got ya to the FT to start with, so u cant complain
when it goes wrong once.
- Seek medical help, WTF were u thinking
- cancel the family party and invite the boys round
- compromise, and begrudgingly invite ur parents and granny to play a 10 quid
rebuy with ur m8's.
- spent the afternoon in hospital for even suggesting it to ur wife.
- leave it in the box and logon to Ladbrokes instead.
I was hoping someone could tell me, they only asked for the questions...
Quiz # 2
- Are You An Addict?
We all get a tad obsessive at times, but just how bad have you got 'the bug'. Score
one point for every yes answer
- is the first internet site you visit in a morning poker related?
- do you routinely eat meals in front of PC while playing poker?
- do you spend more time playing poker than working?
- does your partner sometimes say ‘You luv poker more than me'
- have u watched a re-run of ‘Late nite Poker’ lately?
- do you read ‘super system’, ‘harrington on holdem’ or ‘sklansky’ at bedtime
- have you, or are you planning a holiday to Vegas
- do you have real money accounts at 3 or more poker sites?
- do you have poker tracker software installed to check your stats?
- do you make posts on poker forums?
- 0-1 points. you cudn't give a chit bout poker and lead a happy life.
- 2-5 points. you are a borderline junkie and need help.
- 6-9 points. plz phone gamcare immediately, there's an operator standing by.
- 10 points. ur alias is probably ‘thelodger’.
Quiz # 3
- Are You A Muppet?
Ok, you repeatedly get called a 'Muppet', but are the players u eliminated wrong
and just sore losers?. Score one point for every yes answer
- do you massively overbet the pot on level one, regularly moving in UTG to win
blinds totaling 30
- do you usually CALL players that move in to win 30 chips
- do you usually call an early position 10xBB raise with any 2 sooted cards?
- do you justify your bad calls that get lucky by saying ‘it won didn’t it?’
- do you limp with AJ and call two all-ins anyway when u miss the flop?
- do you consider yourself ‘pot committed’ after a flat call?
- Is Gus Hansen Your Hero?
- would you rather have a flush draw than top set?
- do you usually enter any pot with any ace?
- do you believe QJ is a premium hand?
- 0 points. you’ve read the book buddy, but unfortunately pokers not for you
- 1-2 points. borderline muff
- 3-4 points. Your deffo a muppet, but there's still time to change m8
- 5–9 points. you’re a fishy muppet without hope who plays exclusively online
- 10 points. You’re probably a scandi, and not afraid to put your dollars where
ur brain should be, you’re got a bullet and poker is your weapon of choice. you
should make a very tidy 2nd income.
Quiz # 4
- Have U Got What It Takes To Be A Pokermanager?
Put urself in the shoes of a PM to see if u’ve got ‘The right stuff’. Face 'real
world’ situations and see how YOU would handle it.
What would be your motivation when applying to be an internet poker manager?
- it looks like a rewarding job with good prospects and pay
- the sun, booze, and cheap cigs available on tax dodge island.
- it’s marginally better than being on the dole.
- You want to prove the parole board wrong and show them that there is a place
in society for someone with ‘incurable megalomania’ after all.
You have been instructed to man the freefone number in the ‘Care’ department
to cover for a colleague who has just suffered a 3rd nervous breakdown, when you
once again hear the words ‘moron’, ‘tw4t’ and ‘wanker’ in the same sentence, do
After yet another server crash, you are given the job to disperse the prize
pools of unfinished MTT’s do you:
- ask the caller politely to tone the language down
- curtly inform the caller that you aren't here to be abused and hang up
- patch the call through to a your supervisor in the pub to give him a taste of
what it’s like at the ‘sharp end’.
- run a vicious hate campaign against the addict concerned, ignore emails, forum
posts, cause account problems, issue a chat ban, and turn there ‘bad beat meter’
While enjoying your usual liquid lunch, one of the many rival poker sites
based locally attempt to ‘head-hunt’ you, tempting you with more booze, freebies,
even shorter hours and a lucrative ‘profit share’. Do you:
- work out a ‘pro-rata’ formula based on chip stacks, number of players left and
game time, to come up with an equitable solution.
- Check company policy, just in case there are guidelines on what to do in events
such as this.
- Just give ‘em all there buy-in back, coz after the initial howls of protest,
it’ll soon be forgotten about.
- It depends on who’s left in, if u don’t like some of 'em, then cause as much
aggravation as possible, coz what are they gunna do about it?
Company policy dictates that personal enquiries should be made by email
only, however you are getting abused coz u don’t reply on the forum, what is your
- Tell them NO, you are a ‘professional’, and wouldn’t wanna work for any company
that had such a cavalier approach to recruitment.
- Inform them you are interested but require a written offer, and would like to
have a meeting when you are sober.
- Ask ‘em to buy you a few more beers while u think about it.
- Instantly accept, spilling ur guts about any company secrets while simultaneously
bad-mouthing everyone in your organisation.
You have just received the results of the independent audit of the RNG and
are charged with making a statement to the eagerly awaiting conspiracy theorists:
- make a post politely asking them to email enquiries to the ‘care’ department,
my job is important to me and I have to stick to the rules.
- discuss the possibility of a more flexible approach with your boss.
- answer the post saying ‘we’ll look into it’ without any intention to, secretly
enjoying the whinger wasting his time in repeated attempts to contact you.
- Include your abusers in your ‘hit list’ and do everything you can to worsen
the problem. He wont be in such a hurry for ‘assistance’ next time
Part of your contract promises foreign trips to help organize live poker events,
but instead of the expected Caribbean cruise, you find yourself in a dingy Estonian
hotel with no central heating and its –25 degree’s outside, do you:
- It doesn’t look good, so you keep pretending that you haven't yet received the
results, blaming ‘matters out of your control’
- Issue a statement saying the figures are ‘within tolerance’, ignoring paragraphs
that contain the words ‘incredulous’, ‘bias’ and ‘shocking’
- Pass this hot potato to your boss, u don’t wanna be anywhere near the fan when
this chit hits it.
- Keep the results to yourself, and attempt to bribe your employer using threats
of a multi-billion dollar class action lawsuit should you decide to publish the
report on the web.
Two players are trying to strike
a deal when h2h in a big money tournament, It’s further complicated coz one of them
has a chat ban and is using an intermediary. Would you?
- work professionally
without moaning, coz ur efforts will be noticed and there will be better opportunities
later for a hard worker like you.
- You aren't happy, but struggle on and take notes
to ensure things are ‘better next time’
- Do the absolute bare minimum, believing
this assignment was more a punishment than a reward for your efforts.
- spend your
time listening to bad-beats and drinking vodka with the eliminated players, while
u plot and swear revenge against your employer.
As a Pokermanager, where would you see yourself in 5 years time?
- temporarily give him his
chat back, and assist wherever possible.
- warn them both its against the rules but
turn a blind eye to any private arrangement.
- Tell them its strictly against the
rules and give the other player a chat ban as well for even suggesting it.
‘em both not to be pussies and play for it, else you will deliberately crash the
server and freeze there accounts, also reporting them as money launderers to the police.
- Progressing to
a ‘top job’, coz I’m ambitious, work hard and enjoy benefiting others.
- still doing
the same old crap and listening to the same whinges, but from even more players
In the gutter clutching a supermarket size plastic bottle of ‘Diamond White’ cider
a high security mental facility for the criminally insane.
If you Picked Mainly:
- 1’s, you were born to be a PM, and will enjoy the challenges and interaction
with your customers (for a week at least)
- 2’s, the role of a PM wasn’t what you had in mind when u left school as a bright
eyed teenager, you can do it, but keep reading the recruitment pages buddy.
- 3’s, you have probably been fired from more jobs than you care to remember,
and being a PM is your last chance to avoid a lifetime of social security queues.
- 4’s, you probably already are a Pokermanager who’s finished the crossword and
surfing the web to kill time before lunch. Get back to work and answer a few emails